BUKAL conducts training on trauma counseling

Balikatan, Ugnayan, Kaagapay, at Lingap (BUKAL) Life Care and Counseling Center conducted a three-day disaster response training in light of the havoc caused by typhoon Sendong in Cagayan de Oro on Dec 16 2011.

“If you would come and see our counseling motto, we have this ‘Spiritually aware, clinically competent’ so we respect the spirituality of the person and we help them out cope with their crisis through their spirituality. But we don’t neglect the psychological discipline. So it is a combination of theology and psychology together,” Rev Joel Aguirre, Executive Director of BUKAL, explained.

BUKAL, which means spring, a source of fresh water, follows a certain method of stress debriefing from the National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA). There are three points that the trainees follow: (1) SS - Safety and Security is building rapport and explaining to the victims the agenda of the session; (2) VV - Validation and Ventilation is acknowledging that the victims were traumatized and allowing them to vent out their feeling; (3) PP - Preparation and Prediction is allowing them to find their own strength, and building certain decision making how they can cope with their crisis.

“The conclusion part we try to educate them (victims) and encourage them to keep on hoping. They have to build their hope so they may be able to keep on with their life and cope with their crisis,” Reverend Aguirre continues.

From Oro Christian Grace School, venue of the training, the trainees, ‘spiritual paramedics,’ will be sent to evacuation centers on the last day for their internship.

“Importante jud diay kaayo nga naa gyuy kanang maistoryahan ang isa ka biktima. Dapat gyud sensitibo ka, dapat masabtan nimo sila bisan unsa pa ilang e-express,” Ps Rosemarie Eduave International Disaster Response Network (IDRN) volunteer, shares her lessons in the training.

Typhoon Sendong, that claimed a thousand of lives in Northern Mindanao, especially in Cagayan de Oro, changed the plan of the team of Reverend Aguirre who came here originally for another seminar.

“What had happened like we come here for that another matter, but the disaster happened so it all changed so as much as we have a training in disaster response we want to be relevant,” Reverend Aguirre recalls.

BUKAL Life Ministries, a non-denominational Christian Ministry based in Baguio City, was officially formed in November 2009 in response to the damage of typhoon Pepeng (International Name: Parma) to Benguet Province.

Shekinah

SHE dropped a suggestion just before she said the last characteristic she can remember about her second child when it was two-years old: “May pa’g e interview ko nimo about sa twins. (You should have just interviewed me about the twins.)”

Joy C Moncada, 36, is referring to her female twins she just gave birth last Oct 21, 2011. She is now a mother of four. She had Jericho Josh C Moncada, 9, first and her second Shekinah C Moncada, 6.

The latter, the subject of the interview, will turn seven on November 18.

Joy recalled that Shekinah, which is Hebrew for presence of God, was not that responsive during her first three months because her vision is still blurred. In its effort to focus its vision on something, the child has the tendency to be cross-eyed. Threatened by the said tendency, I asked her what she does when this happens. Accompanied with a nonverbal gesture, she said she puts her palm on Shekina’s face and slides it downwards.

Shekinah responds though to what she hears, for instance a voice, by moving her eyes to the side where the voice comes from. Joy was quick to recall, being a Psychology graduate in Xavier University herself, that the sense of hearing is the first sense to be developed.

Extremity-wise, the child’s grip was not strong. And it made sense that Joy did not buy any toys during this period yet. Shekinah could not handle her feeding bottle yet through which she feeds from milk.

No solid food yet for Shekinah.

Apparently, the child needs to be held, to be carried. The child cannot walk. She was dependent on Joy.

After 3 to 6 months from birth, Shekinah now responds when somebody talks to her. She opens her mouth, Joy recalled, as a response. It is as if saying Hey, I can talk too! It is the baby’s language.

Other than that, she now has a clearer vision as manifested by the baby’s attraction to colors. Joy said, in an uncertain voice, she bought a big dice with colors on all sides. Her niece, Ashley, who was around, confirmed. And among the colors in the dice, Shekinah was attracted to Red and Green the most.

Not only did Shekinah have the dice as a stimulus but, as advised by the doctor, Joy bought a color wheel. It was not a glance the child was giving to the wheel. Joy observed that Shekinah stares at it.

During this period, Shekinah started to take in solid food, porridge, in particular.

Curious, I asked: Is it given three times a day?

Once in a day is enough, she said. The rest, Shekinah takes in milk or mashed fruits, like apple or banana.

Joy also noted that the baby’s grip is now stronger as compared to the previous months. Shekinah can now lift her feet. Joy demonstrated as she sat in a chair in front of me.

When laid in her crib, Shekinah is now able to turn sideways. She is able to do a prone position –lying face down – as she turned six-month old.

Shekinah learned fast how to walk. This was a highlight during the child’s 6 to 11-month period.

It started with crawling. At 11-month old, she now knows how to sit. She then started to walk all by herself, Joy narrated.

“Pero mas bright pa ko niya (I am more intelligent than her),” Josh, the first child, interrupted as her mother compared Shekinah to him.

Joy continued to recall that Shekinah started to baby talk with words dada and gaga. This she cannot forget, she told me.

As we moved into the next set of months after Shekinah turned one, she paused. She pondered. She almost forgot. But not long after, she said with a sweet smile: Shekinah learned to say Mama.

Joy was a full-time mother then as she is now. She commented: Kaya man diay. Nag full-time mother man ko ato. She is referring to her success in training not just Shekinah but as well as Josh in going to the toilet all by themselves when they feel like peeing or doing number two.

In effect, “dili na siya mangihi sa bed. (She does not pee in bed.)”

Akong ganahan lang sa akong mga anak is wa nako nag diaper sa ila (What I liked about my kids is that I did not use diapers anymore, particularly Shekinah, when she was 1 year and 5 months), she beamed.

Another development Joy observed of her child Shekinah is that she was ngulit. As we both groped for the dialect’s English equivalent, she cited an example: Shekinah pronounces her L as N, so that the word Loloy becomes Nonoy.

Children really go through this stage. They have a difficulty on this part but cute man sad paminawon, she justified.

The chinky-eyed Shekinah came in while her mother continued to cite changes she has observed of Shekinah during the child’s 6-month-to-2-year period, among those she mentioned are: She can now really walk; she was still bald; and she is talkative.

Shekinah then reported to her mother that the pillow of her maternal cousin, who lives next door is tsada and that the child is like a Barbie doll because she is white-skinned.

It was a case in point.

And oh, not only that, Shekinah also dances well, Joy added.

To which we reacted saying “char!”

Then the kid recalled, “Ah katong wala ko naulaw Ma nuh? (Ah, that time when I was not shy)”

Her mother agreed and said, “Gi itsahan ka ug kwarta sa imong mga Tita. (Your aunts gave you money for that.)”

Josh stole the attention of her mother asking “Ako sa una ma? (How about me?)”

Joy faced Josh and quipped, “Baga man jud ka ‘nak. Dali raman ka in everything. Ikaw man ang original. (You were really a show off. You’re fast in everything because you’re the original.)”

She faced back to me and remembered one important aspect of every child’s life: Play.

Play is in every stage in a child’s growth, Joy said. Shekinah likes to have a playmate around. She’s not the loner type when she was two years old. She enjoys the company of others. She’s friendly. “Dili na siya gapangaway,” Joy stressed.

And lastly, with the kind of toys she plays with, Shekinah, when she was two, can easily be identified as a girl.

“We all have tendencies, right?” Joy asked.

She does not enjoy playing toys cars. She does not play with her kuya’s toys.

Not knowing what else to say, and perhaps because hungriness has taken its toll on her (and on me too), she dropped the suggestion then remembered one last thing about Shekinah when she was two:

Shekinah was and is close to her father than me.

“Where is uncle now?” I asked.

“Their ship is heading to Saudi Arabia,” Joy answered.

Where she is

WHILE trying to finish a cup of strawberry-mango flavored tea with black pearls swimming in it at Da Tsa, I received a text message from my mother. As usual, it was blunt: john, diri ra ka kaon

I struggled to decipher whether the sentence she has constructed sans a punctuation mark was declarative or interrogative. The weird concoction of a stick of probin, a saucer of kwik-kwik and siomai and a cup of froccino primo Oreo at Bo’s before the tea may have taken its toll on me ergo the delay of my reply.

But eventually, I settled for the assumption that it was an inquiry she made, the answer to which will help her decide of her last activity of that day: to cook a meal for me and to leave the door unlock or simply to fall into a deep sleep.

No was my curt reply.

And so when I arrived home, I was not surprised she has sounded intermittently a lot of ZZZzzzsss.

But what if it was a declarative text message and that I did not bother to confirm if it was? This I thought as I quietly sat in our dilapidated sofa and untie my shoelace. That could have caused more gap between me and my Mama. The gap I think exists even more evidently now as compared to those days when Papa has just started to become ill until the few weeks after his burial.

I have always feared that Mama and I will grow as strangers to each other under one roof given the circumstance we are in right now. We both work. She cooks for my aunt’s calenderia, which requires her to sleep early because she has to wake up a little before the break of dawn. While I wake up almost always between breakfast and lunch already and comes home late at night when she’s asleep already.

A couple of days ago, in a rare mother-and-son conversation, I told her of my plans next semester: continue with teaching but take up Professional Education and give up leading Campus Ministry at church or find another job that is still related to writing or to dealing with young people, either way, preferably with a non-government organization.

She conceded with the former. But upon sensing her reluctance caused by the uncertainty of how we can pay for my tuition fee, I suggested to affiliate with one more school to make ends meet.

She beamed with anticipation with the latter option, especially knowing that NGOs pay big time. But I burst her bubble when I mentioned of the possibility of working away from home, either in mega Manila or in metro Davao. She paused. Then she spoke softly, with affection, as she requested for me to come home as often, every week she meant unwittngly, if I work in Davao.

Little did she know that after she made that appeal, the child in me, one who struggles to strike on his own and yet wants to feel safe by a parent’s side (usually the mother), has resurged.

Not that I have completely trashed the idea of working away from home but it seems that for now, I would rather stay in my comfort zone.

I have resolved more strongly now than ever that:

(1) I’d find a way for me to take her out to a restaurant, once in a while, to a more fancy resto than the one we went to last year during her 49^th birthday.

(2) I’d be more caring especially now that she is in her menopausal period. These signs of menopause, particularly hotflash, are driving me paranoid.

(3) I’d be more responsible at home and not be bossy.

(4) We’d visit Camiguin Island, her province, if we have the means to do so to relax.

(5) I’d talk with her and be more open.

(6) And that I’d join her eat meals as much as possible.